just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All the doctor said was why
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
