Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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