Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize