Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
