Duck Duck Cougar?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize