Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The ass gains better be worth it
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