I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
