i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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