so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
