Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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