jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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