I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
