i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She bit a glass in half.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
