i would punch a child for taco bell
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
