found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
