If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
