I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
