He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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