Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
