You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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