Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
