Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
