Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
