he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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