I think I died a long time ago.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize