whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
