my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
