The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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