I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
