Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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