I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
