You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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