You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
