you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
