guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
