Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize