so let's talk penis.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
