I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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