hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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