It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
