I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize