Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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