After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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