I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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