id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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