He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
