I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
