So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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