dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
