imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
