i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
