just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
