where am i from again
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
