You smell like stripper and shame
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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