So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
