I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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