Your mouth is God's brothel.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
