I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize