How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
