he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
