She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
