You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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