When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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