i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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