every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
