Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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