Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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