I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
