I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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