He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
