Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
