I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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