I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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