He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
