And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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