How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize