So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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