Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
