Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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