Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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