Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
