Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
