never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize