I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
