My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he thought i was a dude.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He has the fingertips of a God
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