I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
