I don't usually arrange sex via text message
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
