Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
