im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
