You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
