I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
